Who Am I? [1]
With that, all the yelling stopped, and I knew I must’ve been crazy. If I was right about seeing, not myself, but a masked man in my reflection, then, I must’ve been absolutely insane to ask a masked man who he is. The question itself was a paradox; I could see it as clear as day. Nevertheless, I did yell at this masked man. How could I do such a thing? The obvious answer is that I was crazy, but now, that I was thinking clearly, I began postulating. What if I didn’t yell at my reflection? What if that masked man yelled at me? It’s possible that if I thought that my reflection wasn’t me then maybe my reflection felt the same way about me. This was a mightily intriguing thought, and I had to ask myself, “Do I really know who I am?”
Who Are You? [2]
The only answer to that question was no. I looked into the mirror, into the eyes of this mysterious and masked man. He looked just like me, but I wasn’t him. I was thinking, again. Indeed, I wasn’t him, but he could still be me, and he can only be a part of me because I there was a definite distinction between us. He was in the mirror, and I wasn’t. I realized that this man doesn’t have to be the only part of me; there could be so many more parts of me because they would all look just like me in the mirror. I was their mask! These parts of me, these other people could just use me as a disguise at any time. I don’t know who I am because I don’t which part of me is asking the question. I could be: a businessman, a scientist, a doctor, a fireman, a lawyer, a teacher… etc. I would certainly like to be all of these, but what I really want is to be Sharad Sharma, and I want Sharad to be whoever he wants to be!
This was so very true and so very horrifying. I was talking to myself as if I wasn’t Sharad Sharma because I want to be Sharad Sharma. I had to stop and think, again. What if I was this other masked-man and the real me, Sharad was wondering, “Who is he?” This was very scary indeed. I wondered, now, if I will ever figure out who I am. I needed a switch, so I could turn on the light bulb, and the answers to all of my questions would be apparent to me.
Then, all of a sudden, there was a switch, and I flicked it on! I was waiting for the answers to become clear to me. I felt in control; I felt like I was in the driver’s seat, and then, all of a sudden, I felt like I couldn’t drive. I felt as if I didn’t even know what a car was. I don’t what was happening to me? But of this information became extremely difficult to process. I imagined that I was getting “caught in the models of [my] separate self” [3]. Finally, I decided to flick the switch back off. I was so tired that I couldn’t even think, but right then, I felt as if someone flicked that switch again. However, I don’t think that I felt anything else. In fact, I know I didn’t. In this state of knowing, I realized who the others were. They were a part of me, but how to figure out which one of these others is the bigger part of who I am? No matter how much I looked in the mirror, I looked the same. Then, I knew. I must declare myself as an animal? Then the others would be animals, and maybe, they’ll be easy to tell apart from one another.
At that moment, I felt as if I was “taking steps toward self-aware leadership” [4]. I was leading, trying to unify myself and find out who I am. I was aware of my other selves and decided to begin the process of picking an animal for each of the other people. At least I tried to pick an animal for the others, but I could only pick for me. Maybe this wasn’t the right approach. Instead of me picking the animals, I needed to let the animal pick me. I don’t know how I concluded this, but I believed the perspective. It was as if this, “perspective… [was] beyond the horizon of [my] understanding” (Dass and Gorman 1987, 273).
Connecting with myself [5]
This was a positive sign. I was becoming self aware, and I felt as if the others were helping me understand myself. With this auspicious sign in mind, I began my spirit walk so that the animals may find me, or should I say the others. I noticed many animals at first, but I only had four animals that walked with me during my spirit walk. I concluded that I had four major separate selves, and the animals were a seal, a tiger, a fox and a horse. These animals were inspirational to me, so I could see why they were my power animals. These animals have all of the qualities that I desire, but now, another dilemma. How to know which animal is a bigger part of me? At this thought, another conclusion found me through mystical origins; I think somebody must’ve left the switch on, but really, if all these animals were me, perhaps I ought to take a look at my reflection so that I could see if the others would change their mask while I was in my spirit walk. The others, it turns out, were willing to show me how much these animals represented them, or should I say that I was willing to show myself.
A sudden energy took a hold of me! I became filled with anxiousness at this thought.
This anxious energy took a hold of my animals too. My horse became calmer, and my fox began chasing its tail and my tiger seemed like it was focused on something far off in the distance, and the seal swam away. What could this mean? Was it not a part of me? Maybe it was trying to tell me something. Maybe all of the animals were trying to tell me something!
A Seal Swimming Away [6]
As I became more aware of myself, I realize why my seal decided to leave me. The seal was a part of me that liked investigating. It liked to ask questions like what, how, when, where or why? As I became more knowledgeable about myself, his investigation proved more and more successful, until the investigation was over. That’s why the seal left because there was nothing left to investigate. This enhanced my understanding of my other self, and I grew curious to the significance of the reactions of the other animals. What, I wonder, do the other reactions of the other animals mean?
A Tiger on the Prowl [7]
An animal whose reaction was too simple and seemingly insignificant was the Tiger. I can see that like a tiger I am very passionate, so why is it focused upon something far off in the distance with such concentration? Before I could realize the answer, I had to first understand the nature of a tiger. At any moment, a tiger can about to burst into a “new adventure” [8]. In order to do this, a tiger, I believe, is focused upon its future; when it spots an opportunity, it exuberantly embarks upon a new adventure. So at any moment, I can embark upon a new journey as I am constantly and passionately looking ahead to my future, hunting for a new opportunity.
The simple and insignificant reaction of the tiger seemed to be extremely insightful. What, then, is signified by the ever intriguing reaction of the fox? I thought about its reaction, and I realized how silly it was. A fox chasing its own tail; it might as well be picking fruit or something absurd of that nature! But, “the reaction has to mean something,” I said to myself. I know that a fox is renowned for its guile and craft, and I, also, know that I find crafty methods to solve my problems. So, I can see why a part of me is a fox, but why would I chase my own tail? The answer so obvious I don’t think I would’ve realized it if the fox hadn’t been ridiculously chasing its own tail. I had become obsessed trying to find out who I am. I was running in circles, questioning everything and getting absolutely nowhere. At that, I saw the fox’s craft. It was telling me that I must find a way to break the cycle if I wish to move on and to be happy, so I must also find meaning and value in the destination that I where I want to go because if I’m not going to be engaged at someplace new, then I can’t be happy there. And if I can’t be happy there, then I might as well just run in circles after my own tail as there is at least a sense of thrill and fun in such a silly endeavor. The fox’s guile was indeed marvelous. I wanted to know who I am, so I kept chasing after myself, when, the fact of the matter is, I’ve been right in front of the mirror the entire time. In chasing its own tail, the fox makes me realize that I must always look out for my well being.
A Fox Staring at its Tail [9]
Another animal that was looking out for me was the horse. As all the animals were doing rather strange things, the horse grew calm as if it sensed my anxiousness. The horse is the part of me that is helpful and benevolent. It makes sense that horse grew calmer as I grew more and more anxious because horses help in, “overcoming [one’s] obstacles” [10]. I would’ve been too anxious to realize the significance of the reactions of each of the animals; the horse was helping me get out of my own way, so it calmed down. Because of its nature, the horse is my greatest companion. It will be with me on every journey, and the horse will empower me to begin new chapters in my life as it has already helped me to discover myself. Whatever I do, the horse will be there with me, and it’ll help guide me through my endeavors as my greatest companion.
A Horse - My Companion [11]
Staring into the mirror, I could see myself, but then I closed my eyes and saw the fox. I thought, “How interesting that I see the fox first? Which animal would I see next?” I opened and closed my eyes, and this time, I saw the tiger; after the tiger, I saw the seal, and then, I saw the horse, and what I saw last is what intrigued me the most. After seeing the horse, I opened and closed my eyes again, and I saw a combination of all the animals. This creature had the body of a seal, the tail of a fox and the face of a horse, and the skin of this animal looked like the striped skin of a tiger. I opened my eyes and said, “What an interesting image? YOU,” I pointed to my reflection, “are made up of a fox, a horse, a seal and a tiger. I know who you are!” The only question that remained was, “Who am I?”
I am certainly not made up of animals, but rather, I am all of the aforementioned animals. I can choose to let any of them disguise themselves as Sharad Sharma. I am merely a vessel for my inner selves that I mistakenly recognized as the others. I am their “witness” (Dass and Gorman 1987, 273). I see all of my other selves and decide on which one needs improvement and which one is doing the best as Sharad Sharma. I decide who wears my mask because I am the mask. With that thought, my other selves began cheering as if I had just crossed a milestone; I am now aware of the person who looks back at me through my reflection; I am him, and he is me. I am one with the fox, the seal, the horse and the tiger! Together, these animals are the presence of my individualities within me. I am now one with myself; no longer in parts, I am whole. No need to think, I now know who I am. I am Sharad Sharma.
__________
END-NOTES
[1] Looking at this picture, I ask, "Who Are You?" Image courtesy of: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFkOfA-zJ4GIfCYJCwViVSymOLXJExTqq9sXodqQosVDfbFm6NcOQwiYOBCoLpMY-KJjqNESgQzwaK4cHh5DEVi44iFjuZFTzwKqP7w83Exeb3s3Wfch1QaEnZSHZtt8xaqxpvTKhI8w/s1600-h/whoami.jpg (accessed September 21, 2009).
[2] This video clip is taken from the movie V for Vendetta. In this clip, the protagonist, V, is explaining to a young woman the paradox of asking the identity of a masked man. Video taken from the DVD.
[3] Ram Dass and Paul Gorman, How Can I Help? (New York, 1987), 267.
[4] Robert J. Lee, ed., Discovering the leader in you a guide to realizing your personal leadership potential. (San Francisco, California, 2001), 264.
[5] Connecting with myself. Image courtesy of: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLpxSf-8ulSm7YHAYGc9QgKCVUyrmCNWFf5Qpd-lvpnxJEL-8_ox4a2VkrJRW5BW3OQ011PkWxNZjULpDTZTaeYD9vsSHu5eD-1Vr1Eh5TY8dqJtkiAGTbjo81guwxPX-IPFFlGbW7vg/s1600-h/self+aware.jpeg (accessed September 21, 2009).
[6] A Seal Swimming Away. Image courtesy of: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsiX7VQY4vGepwu0wGVlbNVOClfdKjWiUBFjOQL5lc_MzsNh1FgVXL697S8KTsuZZnMJ-f0lkO98rl9Smp7YjjCch7KiAAHUi4KNbdJkKV5gJr5GtqYRB9QHmSY7xWqVcmE9jHabjuWQ/s1600-h/seal.jpeg (accessed September 21, 2009).
[7] A Tiger on the Prowl. Image courtesy of: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuG_qM6OQS88WiKeYnKrGoMWhuvJr5zHnKkdUoqDjAqv4rgqFP20hUeiX8Vjtzo3wsMseEUcjNWtfMFYSc05cvTaQlMa623idH1Wib6efMQcx8Odk0bMC5YKQlIq-7GkSBC0z9aAESog/s1600-h/tiger.jpeg (accessed September 21, 2009).
[8] http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/tiger.htm (accessed September 21, 2009).
[9] A Fox Staring at its Tail. Image courtesy of: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkemLbHe85S3WfcGJ8BJyw3Kn75CiW41CxmWnsFFjh-xX0sdMO1VzSyKfTePoYi2m19xB5TfeKffO2OOlA-4cYbTMZzu9tkD-AGMveFLxiRyMTSi1MOU-8AcCx_znaQxWMPymbqAA1Kg/s1600-h/fox.jpeg (accessed September 21, 2009).
[10] http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/horse.htm (accessed September 21, 2009).
[11] A Horse - My Companion. Image courtesy of: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsY6F2CCB8p-W2LwzsY1nXwKOdd7wFYYY688TR2W7n3dCoVZqhM_Eizrf2BrwDXatV4_qe11vaZ0I8k4DnlzO5jxqOeEM1qvRjgIZgAOTPsyAXFE5Ig2JgaUKA_7thb2PxnjcbTMJlIg/s1600-h/horse.jpeg (accessed September 21, 2009).
Word Count => 2356
Word Count minus Quotes => 2322
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